


Earthbound

by onereyofstarlight



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Angst, Gen, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22496620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onereyofstarlight/pseuds/onereyofstarlight
Summary: Following an accident, Alan notices that John could use a break.
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

The sun sank below the horizon and like clockwork, John Tracy put himself to bed. His movements were slow and awkward and he didn’t look anyone in the eye as he left, walking away without a second glance. The sight is unnatural for all of them and they uncomfortably talk around his absence as though twenty feet were a harder distance to cross than twenty thousand miles.

Scott had been trying to press him for several days, in equal parts hoping to find his brother and International Rescue’s space monitor. John’s eyes shuttered off whenever he tried, and Alan kept quiet as he watched the way his hands reached out to ground himself when Scott blithely asked him how much longer it would be. It had been a month and not once had John asked to return to his home, wouldn’t even look up in the sky to acknowledge her presence.

None of them seemed know what to do with their shell of a brother.

“He doesn’t want to be there, Scott,” Virgil finally said. “Surely you can see that.”

“What do you want me to do about it? We need him.”

“We need him for more than just Thunderbird Five and you know it,” said Virgil sharply. “You refusing to acknowledge that is not helping.”

“You know he’s been sleeping in my room, right?” demanded Scott. “He’s got separation anxiety like a three year old.”

“He doesn’t look at the stars anymore,” said Alan, in a quiet voice.

“What?”

“The stars. He won’t look at them. It’s why he won’t sleep in his bed either.”

“There’s more wrong with him that just some stars Alan,” scoffed Scott and so Alan turned away and watched as the blue hour of dusk faded into the true night. It didn’t matter what Scott thought, he knew his brother. He needed a plan.

\---

“Thunderbird Five calling in the Astronaut, come in please.”

Alan looked over at the comm and rolled his eyes fondly. “Hey Gordon, what’s happening?”

“Literally nothing, I’m so bored,” his brother whined. “How does John do this all the time? The end of the week can’t come soon enough.”

Alan laughed. Gordon had put off his rotation on Thunderbird Five for as long as possible, evidently hoping John would be back in space before anyone had a chance to realise he had gotten out of monitoring duty again. His brother wasn’t built for microgravity and three-hundred-and-eighty-seven step procedures, his body driven by adrenaline and instinct in a way that could kill in space.

“You could have taken on cleaning duty dirt-side, I’d have swapped.”

“Nah Allie,” said Gordon, who was now floating haplessly upside down. “You should be down there with him.”

Alan shrugged. “It’s not like I’m doing any good right now.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short,” said Gordon. “You’ve spent more time in space than the rest of us, you know how messed up things can get.”

“Scott thinks he’s just scared to leave us behind.”

“Yeah, well full offense to Scott, but he doesn’t actually know what he’s talking about.” Gordon’s face reappeared, much too close to the projection scanners. “Trust me Alan, it’s all bluster with him. John was out there for hours, that’s gotta do something to the psyche. See it all the time when I take people diving.”

“You do?”

“Yep,” he said, popping the ‘p’. “It’s all that emptiness, people freak out when they get a glimpse at how huge open waters actually are. It’s like infinity, you think about it for too long and your brain will start to melt.”

Alan didn’t say anything, only nodded.

Gordon watched him carefully. “You want my advice?”

“Can I say no?”

“Rude,” he said, scowling at him briefly. “Go with your gut. You’ve got good instincts on this one, I know you do.”

Alan smiled half-heartedly. “Thanks Gordo.”

“Wait, wait,” said Gordon hurriedly. “Before you go, can you tell me how to turn the gravity back on?”

“Just ask EOS.”

“She won’t do it,” said Gordon unhappily. “She says I need to solve her puzzles first.”

Alan shrugged. “So do it, they’re not hard.”

“They’re simultaneous equations, _that’s_ her puzzles.”

“I know,” said Alan with a grin. “Insulting how stupid she thinks we are, isn’t it?”

“Alan, I can’t do them, Alan, they have four variables, _Alan wait_!”

Alan was laughing as he waved goodbye cheerfully, leaving Gordon to his fate. He looked up at the quiet knock at his door that occurred just as the glow of the hologram died.

“Come in,” he called.

He frowned when there was no response, only a rattling of the door handle as though the person on the other side couldn’t quite get a grip. He got up from the rug on the floor and pulled the door open, only to leap back with a start when John stumbled into the room. His eyes were only half open and his hand trailed on the wall beside him.

Alan sighed. John sleepwalking had become a regular occurrence over the last few weeks as he sought out safety and comfort in the long night. Scott was right that John had been sleeping in his room but more often than not he didn’t stay there, usually wandering from room to room as though his subconscious needed to check everyone was where they were meant to be. John flopped down onto Alan’s bed, drawing his legs up so that they didn’t hang comically over the end.

“Hey, John?” he called softly, not wanting to wake him fully. “Whatcha doing?”

“Shhhh,” mumbled John. “I’m sleeping.”

“You don’t want to do that in your own bed?”

“Nope,” he said, reaching out a hand and tugging one of the pillows close to his chest.

“Why not?”

John didn’t answer him, merely rolling over so that he was pressing himself against the wall.

Alan watched him for a second and clambered onto the bed. He didn’t want to touch John, fearful of what might happen if he woke him on accident, so he curled up beside his brother, staring up through the blinds at the sliver of night sky he could see.

“Don’t let me be alone, Allie,” John said suddenly. He rolled over again to face Alan and his hand fell between them, palm up. He was still asleep.

“I won’t, John,” came Alan’s whispered promise. He squeezed his brother’s hand. “We’ll do this together.”

\---

Alan dragged a chair over to the desk where Scott was working and dropped into it with a loud sigh.

Scott ignored him and he swung his legs for a moment, waiting for his presence to be acknowledged. Alan sighed again, louder this time and more insistent. When this too received no response, he started to kick his legs against the table, hoping to jolt Scott out of his concentration or failing that, annoy him into speaking.

“What?” growled Scott, and Alan smiled at his success.

“I want a break,” he announced.

Scott groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “Wouldn’t we all, Allie?” he asked, looking over at Alan. “Tell me more about this break.”

“I want a week,” Alan said quickly. “One week where I take John and get him out of your hair and off the island.”

Scott shook his head. “No way. After what happened, I’m not sure I want to see him leave this house ever again.”

“Him staying here isn’t keeping him safe, it’s just making things worse.”

“I know what he needs,”

“No you don’t,” interrupted Alan, flinging his hands in the air. “Scott you _don’t_. I am telling you, he needs to be able to leave, he needs to know that we don’t care if he never goes up in TB5 again, because he is our _brother_.”

“Of course I care about more than just him piloting Five,” snapped Scott. “Come on Allie, of course I do. But he loves it so much, I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to go back.”

“He still does, Scott,” said Alan earnestly. “Probably more than any of us know. But he’s not going to make it back if he doesn’t have time to process. I can help him with that and if we go away I know I can get through to him. Let me try.”

Scott grumbled under his breath for a moment, flicking through the schedules he’d made for the next few weeks.

“You have until next Thursday,” he said at last. “I need you back here by then, Lady Penelope wants us to go to a thing.”

“You’ve got it,” said Alan. “And you can’t be trying to get in contact every hour either.”

“Fine.”

“I’m serious, Scott. He doesn’t need you to babysit him. I know you feel guilty about…”

“No you don’t,” interrupted Scott. “You can’t possibly imagine and I don’t want you to either.”

Alan hesitated. Scott looked devastated, had been pushing them all away in his attempt to escape the past month. But he knew Scott wouldn’t tolerate his prying, knew he still wanted to protect his youngest brother from the bile-soaked anxieties that plagued him. He would just have to shoulder-tap Virgil before leaving the island.

They both looked up as the door opened and John wandered in, feet bare on the floor and edging around the side of the room to reach the balcony outside.

“You want to break the news to him, or shall I?” asked Scott finally.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been easier than Alan had expected, convincing John that the best thing he could do was catch a plane to Christchurch. He’d seemed almost pathetically relieved at the suggestion, moving to pack with a sudden and familiar determination that made Alan certain of his decision. He didn’t ask questions about their destination but turned up an hour later with a suitcase and backpack ready to go. Virgil volunteered to drop them in Christchurch and so Alan settled next to him in the co-pilot seat of Tracy Two ready for the three hour flight south.

“Does he know where you’re going yet?” Virgil asked softly, glancing over his shoulder at John who was staring out the window.

“I haven’t told him,” admitted Alan. He shifted in his seat. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“John?” asked Virgil. “He’ll be fine. You’ll keep him safe, and for what it’s worth, I think you’re right, he needed to get off the island.”

“Has he talked to you about what happened?”

Virgil grimaced. “He tried. I don’t think he has the words yet.”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” said Alan, glancing back at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this unsettled.”

“Grief does strange things to a person,” said Virgil.

“How can he be grieving?” asked Alan, looking young and confused. “It’s not like anyone died.”

“Grief’s not just something that happens when people die, Alan,” said Virgil quietly. “Any extreme loss can require a grieving process. A relationship, an injury, a dream. It’s hard to move on from those sorts of things.”

“Oh,” said Alan, suddenly feeling panic bubbling up within him. “Virgil, I don’t know if I should be the one to take him. I don’t know how to help him or anything. I don’t think I know how to talk to him anymore. I didn’t even know that about grief, what good am I gonna do?”

“Hey, hey,” said Virgil, reaching out a hand to clasp his shoulder. “You’ve got this. You know John just as much as the rest of us, maybe even better. You’re the one who could see he needed help, you’re the one who figured out what to do about it, and you’re the one he’s listening to right now. We trust you, and more importantly, so does John. Just give him a chance.”

“Maybe,” said Alan, still feeling uncertain. “I just wish he felt more like John right now.”

Virgil gave him a tired smile. “Let me know if you need any advice. Or just to talk if it gets too much. You gotta look after yourself as well kiddo.”

He jerked his head back towards the cabin where John was still staring absently out the window. “Go check on him now, I’ve got to start landing procedures.”

Alan nodded, leaving the cockpit and carefully sliding the door shut behind him. He sat opposite John and cleared his throat.

John smiled faintly at him.

“So how’s it going?” Alan asked, instantly cursing himself for not having better words.

“Fine,” said John. He shifted in his seat slightly to get a better look at his brother. “Where are we going?”

“Mackenzie Country,” said Alan. He swallowed nervously as he eyed John, knowing he would recognise the significance of those words.

“The dark sky reserve?” John asked neutrally.

Alan nodded. There was an angry flash in his brother’s eyes.

“Did Scott put you up to this?” he asked, his voice suddenly low and hard.

“No, no,” said Alan quickly. “No, I chose it, I asked to take you.”

“Oh,” said John, slumping back in his seat, the fire dying away immediately.

“We can go somewhere else.”

“No,” said John. “It’s fine.”

Alan gave him a weak smile. He’d wondered if he was pushing his luck to book a private cabin on the shores of Lake Tekapo, the trip being one they’d planned together when he was still a child and John still in love with his stars.

There were memories tied to this place they’d never visited, memories he could see springing back to the forefront of his brother’s mind.

“Seatbelts on, guys,” called Virgil’s voice through the comms.

John reached out and laid a hand on Alan’s wrist. “I’m sorry.”

Alan looked at his brother, feeling tongue tied and awkward in a way he never had before, and said nothing.

\---

“This is it?” asked John in disbelief, staring at the garish rental van Alan had picked.

“Isn’t it _perfect_?” gushed Alan, twirling the keys excitedly as he spoke.

“This can’t be it,” said John, staring at the bright orange van. “You’re not serious.”

“It’s your favourite colour,” exclaimed Alan happily. “And _look_.”

John looked and paled as he saw the word printed on the side of the van.

“Spaceships?” he said in a strangled voice. “ _Really_?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive,” said Alan. He shot John a cheeky grin. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve piloted a _real_ rocket after all.”

John’s lips twitched and Alan felt his spirits lift with the knowledge that he still knew how to make his brother laugh.

“Okay, fine,” said John, shaking his head. “This is the most ridiculous van I’ve ever seen, but as long as it runs.”

“And it’s not like we’ll lose it,” joked Alan, as he threw their bags in the back.

“There’s an actual stove in there,” said John in confusion.

“Did I not tell you we were freedom camping?”

“We’re not,” said John. “I’ll call Virgil back, I’m not sleeping in a van.”

“You’ve slept outside before, what’s the difference?”

“I have dignity.”

Alan turned the key and grinned as the van hummed, the engine springing to life.

“She looks older than she is,” he assured John. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“If you say so,” muttered John, shaking his head as he climbed into the seat next to Alan.

Alan deflated at the statement. He knew John didn’t mean to sound dismissive but his attitude made Alan worry that he had misjudged his brother’s ability to go through with the trip, despite his earlier insistence that he would just fine.

They drove towards the exit, making a few extra loops along the way before pulling out into the busy roundabout.

“We’re not actually camping, don’t worry,” he told John, still feeling awkward. It was hard to tell if John had worked out he had been joking.

John grunted and Alan looked around him desperately, trying to find some way of making conversation.

“Antarctic Centre?” He wondered out loud as they passed the brown sign. “We’re not that far south.”

“Christchurch is where a lot of the international expeditions to the Antarctic depart from,” said John absently. Alan relaxed at the sound, knowing his brother had moved on from his earlier mood.

“Did you want to go?” John asked, looking at Alan curiously.

“Maybe on the way back,” said Alan. “It’s a three hour drive and Bran’s told me a place to stop for lunch.”

“Three hours?” said John, with a slight smile. “That’s nothing.”

“Yeah, after all those cruises in space?” said Alan, grinning at his brother. “It’s just a Sunday drive.”

It was an old joke, one they often shared with a nudge and an eyeroll whenever Scott complained about Tracy Two being so much slower than Thunderbird One.

“Try a road trip to the Sun next time.” John knew his part well, his mouth opening automatically in response. Alan could see the exact moment where he registered the words, the way he physically reeled back as if that would help him escape his thoughts.

It was as though a shutter had been pulled across his mind, one that left John frozen. Alan leaned over and roughly shook his brother. He didn’t dare look over at John for too long, conscious that he was both driving and terrified to see the unresponsive expression on John’s face. He’d seen his brother in many lights; elated, apprehensive, challenged, competitive, anxious. Not once had he seen his brother scared for his life.

“John?” he called, sharply. “John, you with me?”

There was no reply. Alan swore and jerked the steering wheel to the left, quickly pulling over and ignoring the annoyed beeping from the cars that swerved around him.

“Damn it, John, I do not want to go crawling back to Scott on day one, get it together.”

He was getting angry at the lack of response, furious at this stranger who had come and taken his brother’s place. He’d always known where he stood with John, he was a steady undercurrent in their family’s ocean and it wasn’t fair that their relationship had been torn away from him.

“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded. “Are you even trying to get back up there? Or are you just wasting everyone’s time?”

John sagged in his seat and Alan was vindictively satisfied at the way he had jolted him from his memories, knowing it was more than anyone else had ever managed.

His shoulders and hands were shaking. Alan faltered as the sound of sharp, wet inhalations filled the van.

“You don’t know a thing,” John whispered hoarsely. “I thought you might understand but I should have known.”

He could see the tears now, tears that streamed down John’s cheeks. He made no move to wipe them away, his face contorted more by rage than despair.

Alan realised he had put his foot in it, the impact of his rash words settling around him and leaving stains of guilt in their wake.

“Let’s get this over with,” spat his brother. “Just go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Watch me try to keep up with archiving this time :D
> 
> Thank you for reading!! I've felt so lucky to get such continued encouragement since I joined the fandom, you're all amazing!!


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